Tiger Paw Nail
今年是虎年，我陡然想起了我的虎爪。As this year is the year of the tiger, I suddenly remembered my tiger paw nail.
那是整整六十年前，我九歲的時候，母親吧它用紅棉繩拴了，掛在我的脖子上，我嫌它難看，又有點害怕。就把它塞進貼肉的粗布肚兜裡面。爪子尖有時刺到我，害得我夜裡做慌夢，就把它脫下來放到母親的針線盒裡了。
It was sixty years ago when I was nine that my mother hung a tiger paw
nail around my neck with a piece of red cotton string. I was scared of
it and thought it very ugly, so I hid it under my coarse cotton
undershirt. The tip of the nail scratched my bare skin, and I had
nightmares, so I took it off and put it in my mother’s sewing box.
虎爪是怎麼來的呢？那是有一個大清早，我正跟母親跪在蒲團上唸經，卻聽得一群人擁到我家門口敲鑼打鼓地喊：“老虎打倒啦，打倒老虎啦！”母親和我都忍不住奔出去，看見幾個村子裡的壯漢，用一條木板凳扛著一條比狗大一點，滿身深淺黃條紋的山獸，放在我家大院子裡，那一定就是老虎了。它趴著一動不動，眼睛緊閉著，血從肚子底下一滴滴流在水泥地上，它已經被打死了。
I remembered it was early morning. My mother and I were kneeling on the
grass mat and chanting Sutras. We heard noises at the front gate. There
were the sounds of drums and cymbols. Someone was shouting, “We have
killed the tiger! We have killed the tiger!” Mother and I ran outside.
We saw several rough villagers carrying a wooden plank. On top of it lay
an animal with yellow and black stripes, not much bigger than a dog.
They put it down in our big courtyard. The animal must be a tiger, I
thought. It lay there still, with its eyes tightly shut. Blood was
dripping from its underbelly. It was already dead.
母親連聲念阿彌陀佛，我不敢多看，回頭就跑進屋子了。卻聽一個壯漢對母親說：“老虎肉要嗎？吃了冬天不怕冷喲！”母親說：“不要！你們快走吧，罪過死了。”壯漢說：“什麼罪過，老虎最惡毒，會吃人的。”“母親說：“你不去傷它，它也不會吃你的。”壯漢說：“太太，你太仁慈了，人都沒那麼好，別說畜生了。”母親生氣地說：“你們把虎抗走，要把我地上的血水衝乾淨，大清早的，怎麼抗來打死的小老虎，母老虎才不和你們甘休呢。”壯漢大笑說：“母老虎來了，再把它打來，老虎皮、老虎骨都好值錢哪。”母親不想再聽下去，就進來了。
My mother, a devoted Buddhist, started to chant the Sutra of Mercy. I
was frightened and ran into the house alone. I heard a villager saying
to my mother, “Do you want to buy some tiger meat, Lady? It will keep
your body warm this winter.” “We don’t want it. Please take it away.
Heaven have mercy!” “What mercy?” The villager asked out loud, “What
mercy? Tigers are most vicious and eat people.” “If you don’t harm them,
they will not harm you,” Mother said. “You are too merciful, Lady. Even
people harm people. To say nothing of beasts!” My mother started to get
angry. “Please take the tiger away and clean up the blood stain on the
ground. Why did you kill this baby tiger? Its mother will be after you!”
The villager laughed and said, “Ha! Mother tiger. We’ll kill her when
she comes. The tiger skin and the tiger bones are all very expensive!”
My mother would not argue with the villagers anymore. She came into the
house.
她跪在佛前，合掌閉目念往生咒，唸了一遍又一遍。我心裡一直在想著那閉著眼睛趴著一動不動的小老虎。它媽媽一定到處在找它，一定哭得好傷心。
She knelt down in front of the Buddha shrine and chanted the Sutra of
Mercy. She repeated it over and over. I kept thinking of the tiger with
its eyes tightly shut. Its mother must be looking for it everywhere by
now. She probably is very sad.
果然，後山的老虎，出沒悲號了好多天，村子裡再沒一個人敢去打它，好多日子後，才不再聽到聲音了。
Surely, we heard the mother tiger crying sadly that night and several
nights afterwards. No villager dared to kill her. Then we did not hear
her crying anymore.
很多天以後，五叔婆卻從口袋裡摸出一隻小小的虎爪子，遞給母親書：“小春看見過那隻死掉的老虎了，我特別買來它這個爪子，掛在她身上，以後才會平安無事。”母親呆呆地半晌才接過來，放在飯桌上。五叔婆走開以後，母親對我說：“虎爪是辟邪的，我把它用銀子鑲了給你戴。”我說：“媽媽，我不要戴虎爪，我好怕，一看見它就會想起可憐的小老虎，和失去孩子的傷心母老虎。”母親笑了下說：“你心腸這麼好，掛了它，就常常記得唸經超渡那隻小老虎吧。”母親的好意我不忍心違背。不久她真的把虎爪鑲了銀托子給我掛上，我還是把它脫下了。
One day, Grandaunt took out a small tiger paw nail and gave it to my
mother. She said, “Hsiao Chun has seen the baby tiger. I bought this
tiger paw nail especially for her so she can be kept from evil.” Mother
was stunned for a while and put it on the kitchen table. After Grandaunt
left the room, my mother said, “The paw nail of the tiger is a charm,
and it will keep evil from you. I will have it set in silver and let you
wear it.” “I don’t want to wear it. I am so scared. Whenever I see this
nail, I will think of the dead baby tiger and its poor mother!” “You
have a kind heart,” My mother said, “Wear the paw nail. You will
remember to say the Sutra of Mercy for the baby tiger.” I did not want
to disobey my mother. She had the silver casing made and hung it over my
neck. But I took it off later on.
出門求學時，我沒有帶著虎爪，它一直放在母親的針線盒裡。直到我畢業回到故鄉，母親已經去世，她的針線盒也不知去向了。整理她的衣物時，卻發現虎爪竟然和我的意見舊短襖包在一起，紅棉繩已剪短，拴上了一個小小紅緞包，打開一看裡面是一本小小的心經。想想母親一定還是記掛著那隻小老虎，所以把虎爪和心經拴在一起，求菩薩超渡它。母親又把它們和我的短襖包在一起，明明是不放心我只身在外，要虎爪為我辟邪，求菩薩保佑我平安。
Many years later, when I went away to college, I did not bring the tiger
paw nail with me. It lay in my mother’s sewing box. I came home after
graduating from college, but my mother had already passed away. Her
sewing box was gone. I was going through her old clothing and found an
old jacket of mine. Wrapped in it was the tiger paw nail. The red cotton
string had been cut short, and on it hung a little red silk purse. When
I opened the purse, there was a tiny book of Sutras. I knew my mother
must have remembered the tiger all these years. She had tied the paw
nail and the tiny Sutras together. This was to ask the Buddha to have
mercy on it, and when she tied it with my jacket, she must have thought
that it was a charm and would help keep evil away from me.
撫摸著小小的虎爪，我又想起那隻被殺害緊閉眼睛的乳虎，和終日悲鳴的母虎。更體會到母親對我的擔憂該有多麼的深！
I held the tiger paw nail in my hand and thought of the baby tiger with
its eyes tightly shut, and how its mother would cry and how my mother
must have worried about me.
虎爪和小本心經，由於戰亂搬遷，再也找不到了。六十年為一甲子，如真有輪迴的話，那隻小老虎想來也業障早滿，轉世為人了。The
tiger paw nail and the tiny book of Sutras were lost during the war.
Sixty years have since passed. According to reincarnation, I hope the
baby tiger’s time was served and it has already turned into a person by
now.